This was really helpful Dave! I read the novel before semester began and although I enjoyed it and found the characters fascinating, I have struggled to find that common essence that binds the story together. You have given me some very useful food for thought.
I am not great with grammar myself, but I don’t think you need the semi-colon in paragraph six. Best to check with an expert though.
Thank you for your insights.
Your affection for your Grandma really shines through wonderfully in this piece! It is really mind boggling to imagine that every single stranger we pass on the street has their own unique collection of stories and relationships that make up their individual self. You describe your Grandma’s ‘inner humanity’ very well.
Just one suggestion; “The way her soft brown eyes look loving at you framed by purple glasses reveals an imbedded sense of love” I think “lovingly” would sound better”
I’ll try and remember this writing the next time I want to get around “Another slow walker that is in MY way as I hurry through life.”
Well it’s pretty obvious that winning that competition was not a fluke. You really have a poetic flare Daniel. You have captured Blake’s wisdom and trippiness with this piece. It seems that you have the ability to open up your imagination and allow the words to simply flow; that takes courage and a special kind of finesse to keep it from turning out like a jumbled mess. You pull it off brilliantly.
No suggestions from me. I will not mess with anyone else’s poetry man!!!!
You really write from the heart Mariam! What a fascinating journey you’ve been on. Religious or not, once a person begins the search for something greater than themselves I believe they are all on a similar path and that is definitely a creative and peaceful one. The image you have used is almost Blakean with the Sufi Whirlers dancing in joy of the divine.
Just one line may need revising; “Those who know Blake know that he didn’t necessarily agree with religion, matter of fact most of his works detested against it”
Suggestion; “as a matter of fact most of his works detested it”
I hope you continue your quest.
“Crazy Psychonaut” I love it! Your title is awesome too. It makes me think of the saying that goes something like “In an insane world, the sane man seems crazy”. People turned against Blake because he refused to join the madness and had the gumption to follow his inner faith. He was a true bad-ass! I think you have just given me an idea for my blog this week. Thank you.
I think you might have meant to have an s after the word give in your final paragraph.
You explained it very well and the readings were great! Wonderful use of media; the images and music really complimented your readings. I loved the way you altered your tone for the second reading. It might be cool to try and have an even bigger difference between them; more cheer for the first and more angst for the second. Of course I know time is limited, but mucking around is all part of art. A brave choice!
You certainly have literary talent! You write with such a depth of feeling and rich use of language. I love those “aha!” moments, but they are so fleeting; like trying to grasp sublime smoke. You see so clearly for a second and then it evaporates. It’s as if Blake’s “doors of perception” open for one instant and you get a glimpse of something so much more than our everyday experience. It can fade as quickly as it appears and you are left wondering if it actually happened; although the tingling may last for days. I guess that is the awesomeness of reading another person’s description of IT; the joy of knowing that IT is not some isolated event in one’s own psyche, but a fascinating mystery of the human condition.
I can offer no improvement, but I spotted a repeated word in the final paragraph; “into”.
Well that was succinct. I love my stuff short and sweet also, but I think you have sold yourself a little too short here. This feels like you were just getting started and it looks good. I am sure there is much more you think, feel and would like to say about this amazing poem. I would love to read it!